A Multi-cultural man

A Multi-Cultural Man
A declaration for my higher good.

One of the difficulties that beset us, and has had me, in this lifetime, is running into what seems to be an enforced dualism in gender and sexuality. Those of us who live on the rainbow between the opposite poles have what feels like a hard road. I am very glad that study and practice in spiritual matters and psychology have brought me to a conclusion. As a New Warrior, and a man with a mission, I stand for myself and any like me in declaring in a public place the essence of what I have learned. Since gender and sexuality is an area in which folks tend to make harsh judgements, I am also no longer exposed to extortion.

It is not black and white. Humans are not binary. Symbolically, I imagine a group of rainbow wheels stacked up in my energy body and linked with my physical body. These rainbow wheels are arrayed with sectors that symbolize a range of vectors of predilection, or choice. Arranging these wheels around their shared axis, my personality operational center, makes for a particular combination. I can live a personality expression according to this combination for a minute, an hour, or for years. For some, like me at least, this combination idea explains some variability which may be deeply determined in the psyche, and may also be consciously variable. My gender identity is variable, and I love it! The truth is, it is necessary to acknowledge and give some life-space to a full range of expression for health. Love and acceptance is so much a better road than suppression and denial.

We humans unfortunately act as if we are binary. I have looked into the numbers, and have discovered there is a problem. A problem with two (2,) 1 x 2, 2 x 1. Two. From my own petty inner pain, I have looked out at a world of woe. We humans have a dastardly habit and addiction. We fall into two (2) over any thought, opinion, initiative, proposal, or option. The axis of good and evil seems to show up everywhere. We make it up. There is a problem with Two (2.) It brings division and embattlement. We tend to identify with one side or the other. This breaking ever into two (2,) is killing us, hurting us, denying the oneness that came before, during and ever after two (2.) There seem to be fascination, whether sport or battle, or any of thousand axes of separation with attack on the ones (1) that choose one side of the Two (2.) We seem addicted to vying for power and influence in the fencing of the two (2.) Look at the conflicts in the world that have taken so many lives. See the draining of global wealth into the the purses of the globally rich few. Keep away. The taker society. Starvation in a world of plenty. The ponderous obscenity of 2-party politics. It seems to me, does it not to you? that altitude is required. Looking at tiny men on a battlefield from orbit makes things so much more clear. We need the altitude made available by spiritual practice and awareness. My experience observing humanity during my lifetime does not report sanity to me! There is a problem with two (2!) and it takes a change of viewpoint to become free of this ancient trap!

I love the ability to identify psychically with my women friends. I know some awesome, beautiful, powerful and wise women. To be clear, I am not a woman. I do not currently plan to alter my physical self to accommodate living socially as a woman. I respect that the XX chromosome pair brings experiences I do not have this lifetime, including the socialization, hormonal environment, and caring for the childbearing equipment in all its dangers and mysteries. I love to sit in circle with women from time to time and feel welcome. The flow of feeling between women in sharing is fascinating, as is the variety of sense and rigor various women bring to their circles. It is delightful to know some excellent crones and crones-in-the-making! They know that I can’t go the distance in woman style sharing, but are kind to me, nonetheless.

I am not broken, at least not anymore. Things happen in life, some of which require recovery. Sometimes, it can take decades. I reckon I was not ready to do this work earlier, for I was filled with terror and contempt fed to me as a boy, and accepted unconsciously a choice to hide myself from my Self in a childish survival strategy. The sad part is the limiting of the mind and the expression as a person by what could be described as fragmentation, or broken-heartedness. I laughed out loud when I realized the analytic term schizophrenia means broken-hearted. Laughter and the presence of the cosmic joke has helped me endlessly on this tearful road. It need not take so long to come to love and acceptance for oneself. I have been a strong-minded sufferer. It took decades of study and experience, and also growing old and waiting for my children to become mature, for me to feel safe to do this work. It also took moving to a city wherein I have felt, in my circles, recognized and loved. So I have gone inside, this last year, and experimenting in my privacy, arranged to relax into a slightly modified lifestyle. I love encompassing in my days the sensitivity and grace that are available to my feminine/female aspects. I love coming to a new expression of wholeness, of unified personality.

I love my brothers, and have many, all over the world. We have agreed on a general course of action, we have each a personal mission, and we have protocols to process our commitment to self and others in the work of waking life. Naturally, I do not easily fall into the herd or the pack mentality, and men who easily live in this mode may find me aloof. I also do not fake my way here, and care not to watch sport on television. Yet, I have produced many projects in the manly trades of carpentry and mechanics over the years. I am a middle-sex person and enjoy the middle way. I read that many whose natures are similar to mine often find themselves drawn to roles resembling the medicine man, or shaman, or scout. Sure enough, I am a minister without any worldly ordination. Readers can see this in the messages I have posted regarding topics stimulated by my participation in The Mankind Project. The 1000 generations of grandchildren that follow me spur me on to say and do what is helpful by way of harmonizing myself and my world, within and without.

So here is my current category of how I dial in with my wheels: In private, I don a few articles of female clothing to suggest to my imagination this alternate way of perceiving self. I relax into a femme modality. Most importantly, I practice spiritual awareness and open my body, heart, mind and face to a flow of love and acceptance, in the midst of this living universe. I enjoy receiving self-attention to my sensual desires through massage, dancing, stretching, and sexual play. Over some time, the old strictures that hampered me emotionally and showed up as pain channels in the body have begun to ease. I keep a nice pedicure and paint on my toenails to symbolize for myself a constancy in support of my divine multi-self. One of the things I have envied in women is the comfort in self-acceptance and the relative ease of beauty and grace in the face and demeanor. I had always felt nervous strictures in the body, and am much relieved to be less constrained by them. It is important to note that the mirror practice of acting this sort of thing out requires a willing suspension of disbelief, a powerful imagination, and of course, indirect lighting. It is certain that my aesthetics will not have me parading my inner woman in light of day, except, perhaps, for purposes of comedy. I am totally in sympathy with the range of sex and gender expressions (that yet care for the innocent.) I have not yet declared that I am a gay man. I don’t feel often in a place of wanting males sexually, but it does come along in fantasy, especially when I am playing the sex plaything for myself. So, who am I kidding? I still prefer to adore and romance the soul of a woman. Clearly also, I have options. These options are merely a palette from which I might draw entertainment for those with whom I may have the privilege of intimacy.

The dysphoria of gender and sexual levels hardly seems, faced against my conditioning, a worthy axis of primary work. The world is saddened by so many mis-creations and misunderstandings. Yet this is a core issue, one that reflects some important choices about who is included or excluded, welcomed or rejected, raised in wholeness and happiness, or battered about in order to accomodate the perceived social matrix. There are things afoot in our grand global, species’ situation that are crying out for soul evolution and the healing this implies. Individual soul evolution promotes the evolution of our race of creatures and our relationship to our evolving earth. She also is alive and evolving. We have an opportunity to accord cooperatively in this grand endeavor. We need our mystics and visionaries. We need me. I need all of me. It is my honor to stand the bridge between male and female, masculine and feminine, between the soul and the earth. For all men and boys and girls and women who walk this bridge, I declare myself openly, that I and we may live freely and love openly. I am a multi-cultural creature, as, it would seem, are we all in these days.

I hope I have managed to write this in a manner that does no harm to any who may visit this blog. If I help but one person into love and self-acceptance and forgiveness, it is worth to me whatever personal risk this may imply. This is now no longer a secret. Without binding, I invite you to celebrate the trust of discretion. Protect my privacy In your regard, please, and give this gift to others whom you sense are struggling with the issues discussed here. Let this be a sharing of the Light and a blessing for all. I am complete for now.